Hello. For many years, I suffer from depression and anxiety.
A few months ago, I found a woman on UMD. A producer of customs to be more specific. She understood me very well. She liked my ideas for customs. She didn't mind my interest in feet. And she was always friendly. It was one of the happiest periods in my life until recently.
The producer is growing more popular, and lately, she was taking more time to reply than before. I always lacked patience, and because of my past experience with women, I created a different account and started messaging her under a different name to find out if the reason for the delays is that she really is so busy, or if it's because I'm doing something wrong. She found out I was messaging her with a different account. That wouldn't be such a big problem, but later she found out which account it was - she realised that I continued to use the other account even after she told me not to do it. She was disappointed. She's giving me another chance, but she clearly stated that if I did it again, she would stop communicating with me for good.
My happiness ended here. My depressions are returning. It seems the woman will forgive me soon, but it will take some time to forgive myself. I disappointed the first woman who understood me. I broke her trust. I betrayed her. Even though she gave me another chance, I'm afraid the communication with her will never be the same again.
I think the best thing I can do now is to give her some time to calm down. The main thing that's bothering me, how I can forgive myself? I feel like I did something unforgivable. Nobody deserves this form of cheating, and especially not such a nice person like this producer.
I would recommend not to worry about it too much. Like ncgreg said: you've learned from your mistake. The producer told you to give you another chance, so no real harm is done. It might feel a bit awkward at the beginning of your next conversations with her, but that will pass too!
I can tell you: you've made a mistake. So have I, a lot. So has the producer and everybody else in the world. You've made a great big step already: you are honest about it and taking your responsibility for it!
Accept it, learn from it, and step over it. You can do it!
A Wamtastic world of fun! - Add me as a friend! :)
to look at yourself is hard enough I should know.... but the mental health thing is hard I suffer myself, I would love yo able to help but every person is different, life is never easy and there are always humps in the road.... thats life sadly
I mean, admitting it openly is a big step too. That person can then possibly read this here. Honest and sincerity are among the most powerful and pure ways you can express yourself, and vulnerability is not to be taken lightly.
You made a mistake, they're hard to live down. I am plagued with dumb things I did during childhood popping up in my head (usually the second I turn out the light and lay down for sleep).