OK. I have recently "come out" as a WAMmer to a couple of my kinkier friends (both female, both in relationships, not looking for fun with just wanted their opinion.)
One of them when I talked about wet and messy and foodplay... interrupted me to ask "You mean Sploshing?), we clinked glasses, "Not my thing but if it's yours go for it."
My Swtich friend hadn't heard of it but talked about when she's done some minor stuff in the same area, like squiriting syrup on a friend's breasts and licking it off. And I explained that, it's just like that only a lot more. She asking about runing clothes as a hazard and I replied "Then you replace the clothes. Or get messy in something you don't mind throwing away." She seemed receptive to that idea.
So yeah, two people talked to, two people who didn't go, "You're a weirdo, Ewww."
I've kept this hidden from my friends for many years. Acutally tellling a couple.. It's kind of freeing?
Any other good experiences to share? Or doubts on whether I did the right thing in case of negative feedback?
Like Jay I've never understood the need to " come out" with a kink. If it's a whole lifestyle choice, then yes of course. It's no bodies business but mine and my baby, as Micheal Jackson put it very well
I am super glad that it's given you confidence and inner freedom though. Also sorry to hear about your rough start! Onwards and upwards!
If your friends are openly kinky then It would be less weird, I think. If your friends are attending the same munch you are, then it seems kind of natural. Forcing it into an otherwise vanilla conversation or relationship might make things weird. But I get the idea of it being liberating. When I was being screened for a local pie throwing event at a dungeon, it was really weird at first to sit across from someone and talk about sploshing. But after a few minutes, realizing I was in non judgmental company, it was quite liberating. This is a part of our lives that is mostly internalized, so to speak about such things can feel good. Just don't make it weird.
Yeah they are pretty openly kinksters. One's a polyamourous domme the other is a very open Primal switch.
I wasn't forcing it into vanilla conversations, we'd already started going to kink places with what we were talking about. Like, it came up after talking about light BDSM and punishment and D/s stuff first.
I don't think I'll ever tell my totally vanilla friends.
Its a very hard subject telling someone that you have a wam fetish,and because of this you feel guilty, your letting your family and friends down i don't think you are. In are own ways we are all different.we all have something that we keep secret otherwise we wouldn't be human.we mustn't feel guilty.For some unknown reason we are born like it why? I don't know.I think its the reaction from others when they find out who you are, thats what we are worried about.We have to find a easier way to break it when we feel ready.I believe we are all born with a fetish of some kind.and when we are young there should be something in place to help you cope and talk about your needs.Not sure but i think we should be more open when it comes to sex education because the subject never comes up on fetish.Should it be brought up? because in the end we will find out anyway about fetish.
BlueMeanie said: I don't think I'll ever tell my totally vanilla friends.
I look at it this way. After 11 annual mud volleyball fundraising tournaments and talking many (not all, but many) of them into participating over the years, I'm pretty sure most of them already know. I don't make a big deal about it; it's just part of what I'm into.
I think the biggest thing with ANY sexuality-related matter is to not be "ashamed" about it, but also to respect that SOME of your friends will "get it" (even if they aren't into it themselves) and SOME will think it weird/silly, and SOME will even be judgemental- and the Key to it all is remembering that YOU have a right to YOUR beliefs, opinions, judgements, etc. and so do they. They don't have the right to make you change to their points of view, but by that same token you have to be willing to accept that SOME of them are not going to be supportive of that aspect of your life. It doesn't make them "bad" people, just as your own beliefs don't make you "bad" either. You just have to be willing to accept that EVERYONE has a right to their own beliefs and so do you. The problems stem from trying to FORCE acceptance onto others against their will by bullying or guilting them if they don't pretend to change to suit YOUR desires. If they have no moral right to FORCE you to change to their beliefs, then the same applies to you, and me, and everyone else.
If you can't agree to accept each other's differences and still be able to be friends, then it is better to find new friends (for both of you). But IF you can accept that in others, then it is likely they are the same type of people to accept it in you- and so there is no reason (save for perhaps work-related?) to try to deny who you are to appease others. Simply BE who you are, accept others the same way you want to be treated, and then don't make it into something awkward. It just IS part of who you are- nothing more, nothing less.
That's my opinion on it, anyway. Your mileage may vary.
Let's go back to 1994. I was 20 years old at the time. A friend of mine had rented the movie "The Finest Hour" (called "Desert Storm" in some countries?) I had no idea before hand that one of my most favorite wetlook scenes appears in this movie.
So the point is, there is a canoe tipping scene where Tracy Griffith gets dunked wearing a white dress that goes see-thru. My friend was a little shocked when all of a sudden I was re-winding the VHS tape to watch that scene again. It continued as a somewhat astounding phenomena to my friend that such a scene would be so captivating. He asked for an explanation of why that scene was so captivating to me. I suddenly remember he asked me: did you see your mom soaking wet at some point?
(answer: no. Today i have a better grasp of my wetlook development, but that is not what this thread was intended to discuss!)
But that was the only incident where the subject of wetlook arose. That friendship was also rather short lived. I was near the end of some Navy training, my friend had 3 more months to go. I imagined we might have been life long friends, but we didn't keep in touch. Suddenly i wonder if i can find him somewhere on facebook? (although he might have zero interest in being friends again)
Heh, all my friends know. We talk about smut all the time.
Two of my friends, on separate occasions when I tried to describe it to them, were like "oh you mean sploshing?" I don't know if it's just because my friends are extremely online but there you go.
parklife said: Heh, all my friends know. We talk about smut all the time.
Two of my friends, on separate occasions when I tried to describe it to them, were like "oh you mean sploshing?" I don't know if it's just because my friends are extremely online but there you go.
It's always cool when you are fumbling around for the words to say and they get it before you've got to the proper explainy part.
I'm happy to share my experience on this. If you are someone who is very private about your kinks or are considering coming out about them I hope you gain something from this.
For me, dealing with some of my kinks happened in three stages.
Stage one: Shame Like many of us, I began to discover a few of my kinks in my adolescent years. Although I derived some pleasure from them, I also felt a lot of shame and guilt. I didn't want to be seen as a freak to my family and friends, so I kept them well hidden. Since kinks are inherently unconventional, I think feeling ashamed of them is perfectly natural, especially when your young. However as time went on this presented a new problem for me. A feeling of dishonesty.
I felt that by not letting anyone know this guilty secret of mine I was lying by omission. In my late teens and early twenties I had formed really good friendships with people that I felt I could be really open and honest with. We had lads conversations. We were open and honest about anything sexual. So I was struggling to justify why I was keeping secrets from them.
Stage two: Liberation Eventually I bit the bullet. By the time I was in my mid 20s I came out to a friend. It was a big deal for me at the time. I called him over to my place especially to tell him. I was nervous. I explained that I had something to tell him that had been weighing me down, and that I hoped it wouldn't effect our friendship. After I told him what I had to say he simply shrugged and said "no biggie". No biggie. So that's what I'd been afraid of for so long? All the worries I had about being rejected or ostracised evaporated. The alleviation was huge for me.
This experience gave me the confidence I needed to tell a few more people. Their reactions varied but none of them were negative. For most of them it really wasn't an issue. One friend (bless her) was actually fascinated and began asking me some questions, wanting to get a better understanding of where I was coming from.
Now, here's where I think I started to make mistakes. Given how good it felt to get rid of these demons, I think I started to wear my heart on my sleeve a little more than was necessary. I started to try and morph what was formally a guilty secret into some kind of personality trait. I was no longer hiding paraphernalia in my room. I'd have kink related images on my PC desktop. I had a kink related badge on my bag. Nothing explicit, just a little nod to it. I'm not saying that I was pushing my kinks in peoples faces, but maybe there were situations where I lacked discretion, overshared and was just a bit too open where it wasn't appropriate.
Stage three: Chill out After a while I began to find balance. I realised that my kinks were a far bigger deal in my mind than they were to anyone else. I didn't feel compelled to let new friends know about them, but I didn't feel as if I was keeping secrets from them either. If the subject came up in conversation I felt no need to shy away from the subject, but I was also perfectly happy to keep these matters to myself.
I'm not saying that I want the world to know what I do behind closed doors. I still like to maintain some privacy in some circles. But amongst close friends, I've realised that I have nothing to be ashamed of. I'm a bit weird, but like my friend said "no biggie".
Stonker said: I'm happy to share my experience on this. If you are someone who is very private about your kinks or are considering coming out about them I hope you gain something from this.
For me, dealing with some of my kinks happened in three stages.
Stage one: Shame Like many of us, I began to discover a few of my kinks in my adolescent years. Although I derived some pleasure from them, I also felt a lot of shame and guilt. I didn't want to be seen as a freak to my family and friends, so I kept them well hidden. Since kinks are inherently unconventional, I think feeling ashamed of them is perfectly natural, especially when your young. However as time went on this presented a new problem for me. A feeling of dishonesty.
I felt that by not letting anyone know this guilty secret of mine I was lying by omission. In my late teens and early twenties I had formed really good friendships with people that I felt I could be really open and honest with. We had lads conversations. We were open and honest about anything sexual. So I was struggling to justify why I was keeping secrets from them.
Stage two: Liberation Eventually I bit the bullet. By the time I was in my mid 20s I came out to a friend. It was a big deal for me at the time. I called him over to my place especially to tell him. I was nervous. I explained that I had something to tell him that had been weighing me down, and that I hoped it wouldn't effect our friendship. After I told him what I had to say he simply shrugged and said "no biggie". No biggie. So that's what I'd been afraid of for so long? All the worries I had about being rejected or ostracised evaporated. The alleviation was huge for me.
This experience gave me the confidence I needed to tell a few more people. Their reactions varied but none of them were negative. For most of them it really wasn't an issue. One friend (bless her) was actually fascinated and began asking me some questions, wanting to get a better understanding of where I was coming from.
Now, here's where I think I started to make mistakes. Given how good it felt to get rid of these demons, I think I started to wear my heart on my sleeve a little more than was necessary. I started to try and morph what was formally a guilty secret into some kind of personality trait. I was no longer hiding paraphernalia in my room. I'd have kink related images on my PC desktop. I had a kink related badge on my bag. Nothing explicit, just a little nod to it. I'm not saying that I was pushing my kinks in peoples faces, but maybe there were situations where I lacked discretion, overshared and was just a bit too open where it wasn't appropriate.
Stage three: Chill out After a while I began to find balance. I realised that my kinks were a far bigger deal in my mind than they were to anyone else. I didn't feel compelled to let new friends know about them, but I didn't feel as if I was keeping secrets from them either. If the subject came up in conversation I felt no need to shy away from the subject, but I was also perfectly happy to keep these matters to myself.
I'm not saying that I want the world to know what I do behind closed doors. I still like to maintain some privacy in some circles. But amongst close friends, I've realised that I have nothing to be ashamed of. I'm a bit weird, but like my friend said "no biggie".